It all started with me considering how I could invest, spend, and enjoy (ISE) the rest of my life.
Those of us in the Millionaire Money Mentors (MMM) forums have been talking about ISE and spending (versus saving) in retirement almost since the day the forums launched.
This is because it’s an issue faced by many who have accumulated wealth. It’s common that people who are good at earning, saving, and investing — once they retire they then have a hard time reversing course and spending.
The hesitancy to spend can be for a number of reasons but the two big ones seem to be 1) retirees are afraid to spend as they no longer have any/much income or 2) they can’t turn off the saving/frugal gene that helped them be successful in accumulating wealth.
As such, there’s an on-going discussion filled with encouragements like “you should do it!”, “go for it!”, “get whatever you want, you deserve it”, and so forth in the forums. The goal: spend some of that hard earned money to make yourself and those around you happier.
The “happier” part is key. After all, why spend if you’re going to be less happy? Hahaha.
And I understand why this sort of feedback. Why shouldn’t people who have done well financially for 30 years or so end up enjoying the fruits of their labor? It seems right and fair, doesn’t it?
I even hear similar comments from our kids and my dad.
Often we’ll be discussing something (like let’s say a trip) and our daughter will say, “You should do it!” (She knows we have the money.)
And my dad, when we were talking about him buying his house in The Villages, reviewing his budget, etc. he said, “If I had your money, I’d be going to town! Why don’t you spend it?”
As you’ll see later, as is my habit now, I asked him for suggestions, “What do you think I should spend it on that will make me happier?”
He paused a moment, cocked his head, thought a bit more, and then frowned. “I’m not sure,” he replied.
Exactly. And that’s the problem I faced…and still face today.
That said, all this cheerleading has encouraged me to spend more than I would otherwise in some areas that certainly do make life better.
But these are generally lower-cost options, as you’ll see, and not making a dent in my net worth.
More on all this in a minute. For now, let’s get back to how I approached my ISE challenge.
Challenging Myself
With the encouragement of the MMMs and my family in mind, I decided to attack the issue of ISE. (BTW, when I say “I”, I mean mostly me and some of my wife. If she never spent another penny on herself the rest of her life she’d be as happy as a clam.)
I started by creating a task in Todoist that simply read, “What would I do if I could do anything?”
It was a repeating task that appeared once a week and was meant to challenge me to think about what could be, what I could spend on to enjoy my life more.
And while I literally couldn’t do “anything” (like buy a private island), I could do anything within the realm of reason given my net worth.
With this in mind (and it continually being brought to the forefront each week by Todoist), I spent many months brainstorming what my options might be.
I went through the regular list of items: new house, new car, travel, and so on. And the list became fairly promising. Or at least it did at first blush.
But upon closer inspection, the results were mixed at best. Some of the potential purchases which appeared that they would make me happier actually had far more negative consequences than positive ones. Ugh.
A Couple Examples
What do I mean by this?
Here’s a great example: buying a Tesla (I never got to considering a specific model, it was just “a Tesla”.)
At first glance, this seems like an awesome idea. After all, who wouldn’t want a cool car that drives itself, saves on gas costs, and is better for the environment? Sounds like a no-brainer, right? I would LOVE one.
Except…reality isn’t all rainbows and butterflies.
Really? What sort of issues could there be with buying a Tesla?
Oh, let’s count the ways…
First is the worry factor.
With my current 2011 Toyota Highlander which is sporting 160k+ miles, I don’t care one lick about bangs, scrapes, or small dents (which we all get in parking lots). I have ZERO concern about these.
However, if I bought an expensive and high class Tesla, I would probably fret over every possible nick. I couldn’t control the rocks and road debris, but I could the door bangers…by parking at the back of every lot I went into.
But would that make me happier? Worrying about nicks, dents, and scratches and parking inconveniently as far away from the door as possible?
No, it would not make me happier. It would make me less happy. Anything that adds an on-going “hassle factor” to life will not make me happier.
Second is the real hassle factor.
I don’t hear many people bringing this up, but a Tesla needs charged regularly (no surprise there) and it takes time to charge it (may or may not be a surprise as to how long the charge can take).
This is not an issue if you’re driving mostly around town. You simply charge the car every night (or every few days) in your garage, while you’re asleep or otherwise occupied, and you’re always at or close to a full tank.
But what if you’re traveling across the country — like say from Colorado to The Villages?
Well, over a few hundred miles your car’s batteries begin to drain and you now need to charge them.
I think many people assume charging takes about as long as it does to fill up with a tank with gas. That is incorrect…
If you can find a supercharger (the fastest option), it could take 15 minutes to charge for 200 miles according to Tesla (who may or may not be biased, I don’t know, but let me just say it wouldn’t be unusual for a manufacturer to overestimate the performance of one of their products).
But can you always find a supercharger? Nope.
I have talked to Tesla owners who have traveled long distances and have had to use chargers of varying speeds. They have told me that charging takes “an hour or so.” One even said that they “watch a movie” each time while their car charges.
I don’t want to stop and watch a movie every few hundred miles! I want to get to where I’m going in as few stops as possible.
But it gets worse…much worse.
For fun I used Tesla’s “Go Anywhere” tool and set it for Colorado Springs to The Villages, Florida.
It gave me a complete route I should drive including where I would stop for charging and how long the charging would take at each stop.
Want to guess the total charging time on that trip?
345 minutes.
Yep, an extra 5.75 hours of just charging time. Sitting there with my cat howling in the backseat for an extra fun six hours. NO, THANK YOU! This would certainly not make me happier — it’s the height of HASSLE FACTOR!
I could go on with other reasons buying a Tesla wouldn’t make me happier, but do I need to? Not really. But I will mention that 1) the Teslas I have sat in are less comfortable than my Highlander (which makes a huge difference on a long trip) and 2) they don’t have nearly the room for when we want to take 7 people somewhere in one vehicle or to load in enough supplies for a four-month trip somewhere (like we plan to take this winter).
I admire you, Elon, but not that much. LOL!
Here’s another example: traveling.
Again, at first blush, traveling seems like a load of fun with all upsides.
But if you really consider all it entails, it has its own issues.
Like what, you may ask? Well, the travel itself is THE WORST.
If a doctor told me I had three days to live I would immediately head to an airport since being in that environment for three days would seem like a million years.
I used to think going to the dentist and serving in the kids’ ministry at church were bad. I tell you — they hold nothing compared to traveling.
The worst is flying. I can hardly bring myself to tolerate the painful experience that is flying these days. It all stinks. The waits, the lines, the rude passengers, the flight delays, and on and on. And yes, “stinks” is the nicest word I can think of.
Then there are the hotels. Has anyone noticed how Covid destroyed hotel service?
I stayed in more poorly run, dirty, and low-to-no service, name-brand hotels on our 2.5 month vacation in Florida last year (when we went on side trips as well as driving there and back) than I had in the previous 20 years. And I have status, credit cards, and points at most of these hotels. So if I have this experience, imagine how bad it is for others.
Given that the travel portion of any vacation is a nightmare, once you get to where you’re going, it better be amazing. Otherwise, you have dealt with the torture of travel for no reward at all.
So can you guarantee that your experience will be amazing? No, you can’t.
Just like the fourth cruise we took where it rained for many days. It put a big damper (pun intended) on most of our excursions.
Or what about going to Disney World? Certainly that would be worth it as the happiest place on earth, right?
Incorrect. Our last trip there will be our last trip there. Disney has not escaped the bad service blues (try, just try, getting a person on the phone or to, say, have your hotel room done on the time they promised it) that have impacted every other business. As a result they have poor service, dirty facilities in many places, rides closing regularly, apps that don’t work, and on and on.
And that’s not just my opinion. Many MMM members have found the same. It’s a pity as I have some find memories visiting there.
This means most travel is out unless you really, really, really think it will be worth it (which I do think some is — more on that later). This just cuts the list down a lot from where it could be.
Anyway, you get the idea. Finding things to spend on to make myself happier was not as easy as it might seem — I was having a tough time finding any sort of significant spending that would make me happier.
I did find a few things, but they were mostly small potatoes.
Some of my ramped-up spending included:
- Paying to play pickleball indoors on private courts.
- Flying first class when I did fly (which I tried to keep to a minimum). FWIW going first class can turn a “do I have to?” flight into a “I’m looking forward to the trip” flight.
- Taking more of a lifestyle vacation in The Villages (that I could drive to) versus a vacation where I had to fly and stay in a hotel.
- Miscellaneous purchases here and there like new clothing for pickleball games, AirPod Pros, a PS5, a new pickleball paddle, and the like.
- Keeping home utilities/temperatures at comfortable level. No more 66 in the winter and 76 in the summer.
- Upgrading our home in a few ways — new flooring and paint in our bedroom, bathroom, and closet and a spare bedroom, new flooring in my office, and a new tree in our front yard.
These are purchases that did make me happier, but they are so small that at this rate I was going to die with something like $20 million left behind — I wasn’t spending anywhere near where I needed to given my income and assets.
My Big Problem
Here is really my biggest problem: I’m pretty happy with my life.
I like where I live, I like what I do, I like who I spend time with, and on and on.
As such, spending money to make me happier is a tough challenge because…I’m already pretty happy.
And since I’m pretty happy, doing anything different than what I am doing now comes with a realistic risk — I could end up being less happy.
Now who wants to spend money and be less happy? No one, right?
This is an on-going conversation my wife and I have had for years. We think about some negatives associated with living in Colorado (like the winters) but when we get down to it, our lives are an 8 out of 10 here, so can we really find some place else that’s better? That’s a real roll of the dice as every place has cons in addition to its pros. Nowhere is perfect on every measure and, after all, an 8 is a pretty great life.
As I was trying to come up with potential ideas that would be more than $20 here and $100 there, we did have some success and that’s what led us to The Villages last winter (and again this coming winter). But it wasn’t a long list by any means — we needed more.
I kept getting challenged — both from myself and others — to ramp up the spending so I could be “happier.”
I got to the point where I began asking people if they had any suggestions for me. I needed whatever help I could get in finding things to spend on that would make me happier. LOL.
Unfortunately, no one had any better ideas for us than we had.
The Life You Can Save
While all this was going on, I just happened to download the free book The Life You Can Save and listened to it on my phone.
The book is a hardcore look at giving, advocating core principles as follows:
The Life You Can Save: Acting Now to End World Poverty is a 2009 book by Australian philosopher Peter Singer, in which the author argues that citizens of affluent nations are behaving immorally if they do not act to end the poverty they know to exist in developing nations.
The book is focused on giving to charity, and discusses philosophical considerations, describes practical and psychological obstacles to giving, and lists available resources for prospective donors (e.g. charity evaluators). Singer concludes the book by proposing a minimum ethical standard of giving.[1]
Singer presents the following argument in the book:
- First premise: Suffering and death from lack of food, shelter and medical care are bad.
- Second premise: If it is in your power to prevent something bad from happening, without sacrificing anything nearly as important, it is wrong not to do so.
- Third premise: By donating to aid agencies, you can prevent suffering and death from lack of food, shelter and medical care, without sacrificing anything nearly as important.
- Conclusion: Therefore, if you do not donate to aid agencies, you are doing something wrong.
Singer argues that it is obvious that an adult ought to save a child from drowning unless that individual is risking something as valuable as the child’s life. Singer points out that as many as 27,000 children die every day from poverty that could be easily and cheaply helped by existing charities.
Singer says that many of his readers enjoy at least one luxury that is less valuable than a child’s life. He says his readers ought to sacrifice such a luxury (e.g. bottled waters) and send proceeds to charity, if they can find a reliable charity.
Singer spends time clarifying that people have a right to spend money any way they want, but says that fact does not change the way one ought to spend it. The author also notes that some people may be indifferent to the impact they could have, but says this consideration also fails to change how people ought to act.
Singer’s central thesis is that, a given individual may be able to point to others doing nothing, but that individual still ought to do as much as they can. The title of the book comes from the fact that Singer addresses readers directly, asking them what they will do about “the life you can save”.
If you really want a slap in the face book to challenge how you think of giving, read the rest of the Wikipedia article to get a flavor of it or even download your own free copy of the book.
Anyway, The Life You Can Save got me to thinking about how we currently give and how we might want to think about giving differently.
While reading the book and doing a bit of research on trying to get the most impact out of giving (something The Life You Can Save was pretty big on, as you can tell), I found Givewell, an organization that rates charities on their effectiveness. If nothing else, I wanted to review some of our giving to make sure we were getting the best bang for our bucks.
While I was thinking through all these issues — spending more to be happier, giving with a bigger impact, what levels of giving were appropriate, and so on — I consistently went back to the MMM forums.
We chatted and challenged each other back and forth and had some lively debates and conversations. As usual, I left the discussions with lots to think about and thankful that I had a group like this to bounce ideas off of.
Now remember, these two, seemingly different, things were happening at the same time…I was trying to figure out how to spend more to be happier as well as think of how to change my giving to have a bigger impact. It was sort of surreal combining those two as they seem to be on opposite ends of the money spectrum, but that’s where I was.
To see how the story turns out, read IGE: An Alternative to ISE.
M-124 says
“Die With Zero” is the best book I’ve read on this topic.
foxtraveler says
Great article — we are kindred spirits on the the experiences with air travel, hotels destroyed by Covid and strengthening our “Spend” muscle while we we adjust our vision on where else to give. And finally we are both blessed with wonderful wives both cut from the same frugal cloth. Blessed indeed and enjoyed a look into your perspective in this article.
StephenKansas says
I just love your thinking and your thought process as you’re working through the challenge of how to use your wealth to be happier. I was one of those people (like you) who was programmed to earn. Now what I see that surprises me, is just how little of what I’ve accumulated is actually needed to be happy. That puts me (like you) in the same situation where I wish I could go back and retire earlier. And I’m warning some of my friends in their late 50’s that it doesn’t take as much as they think it does to live happily–they can’t accept this because, like me, they’re programmed to earn just like I was.
One thought to add is that, “Would it be a blessing to your daughter to receive a $20M inheritance?
Thanks for the work you’re doing for all of us–I look forward to the next installment on this topic!
M-121 says
You may want to dig a bit deeper into Peter singer’s worldview. He’s an avowed geneticist who has advocated for euthanizing disabled children. Guy is way TF out there.
ChuckFL says
These are very meaningful lifestyle choices, and we are blessed to be in a position to make them. I agree with the author of the book that we all have the right to do what we want with our money, but our government has already decided that we should spend some of it, via taxes, on those in need. I am not confident that the money is spent well to make the most difference in lives. So we are challenged to do “what we can” to make a difference. I spent a week at an orphanage in Bolivia to help but mostly to learn about how they operate. As you might expect, I came away with a desire to help these kids have a better future, and maybe make a difference in their world. I would would encourage others to spend a little money to go and experience how others less fortunate live, and maybe be inspired regarding how we can help.
MI 228 says
Singer is wrong unfortunately. Looks at the billions funneled into Africa through charitable organizations. Bono himself has come to the conclusion that all of those monies would have been better spent if they were focused on growing and developing the skills and abilities of people to be self-reliant.
As far as ISE and inability to spend, this is far deeper for some folks and a basic matter of low self-esteem and an inability to be truly generous and give from the heart (including an inability to give to oneself). Don’t be fooled. Miserly behavior is akin to an inability to give and receive love.
m-121 says
nailed it!
MI228 says
🙂
MI-330 says
Great article — we are kindred spirits on the experiences with air travel, hotels destroyed by Covid and strengthening our “Spend” muscle while we adjust our vision on where to give. And finally we are both blessed with wonderful wives, both cut from the same frugal cloth. Blessed indeed and enjoyed a look into your perspective in this article.
Dean Rosa says
I think just like you. I’m way too frugal with things like the “thermostat” in my house lol. It’s so hard to spend that I’ve given up. I do enjoy my life and try to live on my retirement and rental income to do all the things I enjoy. 5-star hotels and first-class air travel are the only 2 things I might splurge on in the future, but will it really make me happier than a 3–4-star accommodations and not traveling economy? No. Mabe I’ll just travel more the old frugal way! Helping others is always rewarding and I’ll do more of that. Thank you for this very important article!!! I struggle with this more than you know. Keep us updated to resources and ideas on how to spend!!!
MI-7 says
I agree with everything you said except the Tesla. I bought a used Tesla S (2015) and love it.
Because it’s older I paid about the same as a new economy car. I also don’t worry (as much) about bumps and scrapes.
I’ve taken it from San Francisco to San Diego (500 miles) and had an abundance of superchargers. I needed to stop for food or biobreak so the stops were fine.
I recently retired after a successful career. Is there an application to become an MMM 🤔?
ESI says
Send me an email… 😉
JenSig says
A lot of great things to think about in this blog. The one thing I will add as we approach retirement is that it seems to be a different journey for everyone on figuring out the right amount of spending in retirement and it seems to shift once you retire and reset on what is actually needed vs. wanted. I will say however, that I did just splurge on a Tesla Y. Never been a fan of cars and never really cared what I drove. However, the experience of driving a Tesla is pure joy. It is charged at night and we use it to drive around town and short trips to cities within 250 miles. After 6 months it has a few dings. Who cares. For the large cross country trips we still use the hybrid SUV. Less worry about charging and can take off road if we need it. Worth every penny and I smile every time I pass a gas station.
Mary says
As I was reading your comments on Teslas and travel, my thought was that maybe you are asking yourself the wrong question on Todoist. Since you are happy with your current lifestyle and have more money than you need, maybe a better question would be: “If I could change anything, what would I change?”
By the time I got the end of the article, though, it seemed like you were already heading in that direction. 🙂
Kate says
The more I see of the world, how so many people actually live, the more I feel that is is the responsibility of those with excess to help those in need. I think it is important for both your happiness and the state of the world. If you have more than you need then give the excess away.
One thing you could do to slow the accumulation of additional wealth is to cut back on your investments.
MI 175 says
I am all for charitable giving, especially to help those less fortunate. I have concerns about giving money to orgs which are remote and difficult to discern if they are effective or accountable. Instead, I give to local orgs which help those in need in my community. I am able to see specific examples of their work, can talk to the leaders in the orgs, and am very confident that they are both identifying real needs and effectively addressing those needs. This makes me happier.
MI 315 says
I’m looking forward to reading the outcome of your thought process. Although I don’t agree with everything Peter Singer thinks, I do think his giving principles (and those of the Effective Altruism movement more generally) have significant merit. In addition to being meritorious, I also find them challenging.
Mike says
Good article. I come from a Biblical view of things, so for me I guess the real question to ask would be “What does God want me to do with the money?” For now, when/if I get to that point I’d probably start with increasing the amount I give to my current charities. To me I think this would be the fun part of being a multi-millionaire, how to give it away that has the most impact.
MI-119 says
Parable of the Talents. A new take on ESI!
All that we have is not ours, but we are to be good stewards of what has been entrusted to us. This goes far beyond, but includes, how we invest money. Invest in terms of purposeful spending, not in terms of growing a personal nest egg.
The master will always entrust the servant with more if the servant proves to invest the talent rather than burying it in the ground, as the servant will gain favor with the master. This is how wealth grows in both the spiritual and financial realm. Wealth chases those who are responsible.
Because I am not just looking for a happy retirement, but beyond:) Eternal treasure trumps temporary. Besides, it would be nice to think that by the time I retire I will have understood the lack of lasting happiness derived from consumerism unless the product or service comes with an “investment” in something more meaningful. So own that nice home, to give your visitors the example of enduring peace, love and joy. We take exotic vacations, but for us the best part is how many places of worship we can visit for our personal growth or what kind of missions work can be done there. Buy that Tesla but invite others along to the Hillsong Worship concert. Be stoic if ridiculed by those opting for Taylor Swift, knowing who is achieving lasting happiness.
Happiness in retirement (and before) is already within us, but we have to open the door to the work of the Holy Ghost’s guidance, as the faithful. I doubt one could find happiness externally. Many try but I just don’t see even the wealthiest accomplishing it. He is the way, the truth, and the life. Take the narrow road, avoid the highway crowds. Know who you are, where you are, where you want to get and how you will get there. Rather than aimlessly winding up wherever the whims of the tide take you in retirement.
Spend intentionally and you will spend unapologetically in retirement. If you are struggling with happiness right now, I hope this helps.
clay says
In relation to the spending comments, just some of my examples of joy.
Tesla/cars-the above negative arguments could be applied to electric cars in general. I do appreciate the newer technology in cars. I almost didn’t opt for 360 degree cameras; not being the best at parking I have found this option worth multiples of its cost. I also don’t like buying cars having owned only 5 cars in 35 years of driving. Had it not been for being forced to buy a new car (due to a crash), I would not have a lot of the car tech I currently enjoy daily.
Technology – technology in general has become really good and really cheap when i compare to 30 years ago. Sorry to be a fanboy, but I find huge value in my apple products and how they work together. I suspect you could achieve similar joy in an Android/Google environment, but I’ll stick with apple for now and I will gladly give apple my money every time they release something good (on the flipside, <2% of the profits I have made on my Apple stock covers all of my apple purchases)
Home location – one way to improve your life is to reduce your commute. I have always prioritized the location of my home vs. work (I'm currently 10 minutes from work). While I understand the attraction of being outside of the city, I don't remember a friend not complaining about a commute of an hour to work. WFH options has made this less of a problem, but for me the value of an additional 1 hour a day far exceeds everything else (no kids/school considerations for me).
Also, there are people who don't make small purchases that increase their happiness (eg. I know a lot of people that don't have an ipad/phone holder and watch shows holding the devices. Whenever I see this I buy them one. Best $10 you can spend). Another cheap improvement is a good keyboard and mouse, I really enjoy the Logitech MX series. Another surprising low cost (although overpriced) purchase was the BenQ Screenbar light, I never imagined how much I would appreciate it. No links or product promotions 🙂 just my favorite purchases, and if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a bit of a geek.
Business class/premium economy – as cheap as I am, and as hard it is to justify logically, I really do find huge satisfaction upgrading from economy. I find myself looking forward to the actual flight a lot; and this anticipation itself does bring unexpected daily satisfaction (vs. the flipside of dreading the future flight; but note, I'm 6'6" so the 'benefit' is greater for me).
Heidi says
Did you ever consider buying an RV to travel in? That solves the flying and hotel part of traveling.
We have a Winnebago Travato that we love! It’s van size so easy to drive and park. We have a bathroom with us everywhere. No flying or hotel needed! Also, saves time while traveling with not having to check in and carry stuff in and out of a hotel for a short one night stay on the road.
ESI says
We did…until I drove one back with my dad from Las Vegas after my mom died.
It was a terrible trip (and not just because of my mom) and it cured me of ever wanting to consider the RV life.
I know others love it and that’s great for them — it’s just not for me.
Heidi says
You wouldn’t need one that big since you wouldn’t be living in it. Ours is the size of an Amazon delivery van. Can park in a normal parking lot and can drive on most back roads without worrying about height.
ESI says
Then it’s too cramped. Not interested in any RV life at all. 😉
117 says
Great read- love your thinking ESI. Anything I own I take care of as much as I can- so it makes me crazy that some people wing their doors open in parking lots without a thought in the world. Makes having nice cars a little stressful.. I’m not neurotic but I just like taking care of my things. Also wrt to travel it’s become a huge problem for me. My wife and her mom love traveling. I usually enjoy ‘getting to where I’m going’ but I HATE all the things you mention. It tortures me honestly. So if my wife travels without me I could miss some time with her but not have to deal with airports, etc. LOL. I’ve won work trips but often hate the idea of actually traveling. Issues I have….
As far as retiring early to spend more now.. not sure I want that. I don’t really ‘need’ more money but I do enjoy accumulating more. Maybe that comforts me? Gives me some kind of security? I do enjoy my work and feel productive. I do want to have more so I can help others… and I’m not convinced that leaving it all to my kids is really going to make their lives better.
I see money more as insurance these days…. I have most of what I want and can provide to my family and friends. I do more in charitable ways but should spend more time sorting that out going forward. My soft spot is animal charities lately so I’m doing more in this area. Cliche- but giving makes me happier than getting lately. This is quite different that the mindset I had even 10 years ago… I need to keep exploring options so thanks for Givewell link.