Last fall I shared responses I received from people when I told them about my early retirement.
These were family members and friends — people I know well (of course.)
They know me and our family and while they may have been surprised, it wasn’t a total shock given what they know about us.
But there’s an entirely different dynamic when you explain early retirement to strangers. It’s even more fun to see the variety of emotions cross their faces in about 5 seconds — disbelief, wonder, questioning, being stunned, and more — and how they react to the news. Some go on to ask how that happened, so I’ve devised a couple ways to address it quickly.
By the way, the entire “shock” reaction is not only because I’m in my early 50’s but because I look much younger (good genes from my parents). People regularly tell me I look like I’m in my early 40’s or late 30’s. One time a guy asked if my son and I were brothers. 馃檪 So when someone meets a guy in his “late 30’s or early 40’s” who’s retired, that’s a shock.
Early Retirement and Strangers
Let’s start with how I end up explaining early retirement to strangers.
It really revolves around the fact that I now spend my time in unexpected places. Specifically, most people would expect me to be at work between 8 am and 5 pm. So when I’m in other places at those times — like home, walking around the neighborhood, in a store, at the gym, etc. — people begin to wonder what the heck is going on. And sometimes they ask.
I must admit I think this way as well. Any guy I see at the gym between 10 am and 4 pm who looks like he’s under 60 gets the same treatment. I wonder if he has a vacation day, works weekends, works nights, or what’s up. So I understand why people think the same about me.
Note: It’s more of a challenge with women since a greater percentage of them work in the home. When I see a woman with three toddlers at the grocery store at 2 pm I don’t think twice about her being there while I do when I see a guy of similar age there. Plus I end up chatting more with guys simply because I’m around guys more (not many women in the gym’s locker room).
What Strangers Specifically?
So those are the generalities. Let’s get to specifics. What strangers specifically am I talking about?
Here are a few examples:
- When we had our furnace replaced, there were several guys working on it. One wondered why I was home.
- Same thing happened with the Comcast guy who came out and tried to get our internet connection sorted out.
- People I see at the gym — especially in non-workout situations like the locker room (yes, guys talk when they are changing), hot tub (where I go for 10 minutes after a workout), or sauna (when all you’re doing is sitting around and sweating anyway.)
- People at church. These aren’t because I’m in the wrong place at a strange time, but occurs when you meet someone new. What’s usually one of the first things one guy asks another after they meet? Exactly…
- Random interactions out. I might bump into someone in the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, or at a Starbuck’s (though I don’t go there often these days). Chit chat always seems to get around to work somehow.
There are probably more examples but these are a good cross section.
The Conversation Pattern
The conversation usually goes something like this:
Them: What do you do for a living?
or
Them: Are you taking a vacation day today?
or
Them: Why are you here today and not at work?
Me: I’m retired.
Them: (Flashes of various emotions across their faces.) Oh.
Me: Yeah, it’s great.
Them: How did you do that — retire so young?
This is where I need to have a short and sweet answer. I don’t want to get into a drawn out explanation but I do want to give them a general idea.
What Do I Say?
I have varied my responses over the months from one to another, but now I say something like this:
I saved my pennies and nickels and invested them so they turned into dimes, quarters, and dollars.
At this point, most of them smile and say something like, “Yep, that sounds right to me.”
I know the vast majority of them probably don’t fully understand what I’m talking about and aren’t living in a similar fashion, but they get the overall message — I saved and invested and that allowed me to retire.
It’s a short and sweet way to answer a question that could be complicated.
Those Who Are More Familiar
With people who are a bit more familiar with me, I’ll either add on to the above or even replace the above with:
When we lived in Michigan and the housing market was low we bought several rental units which helped us retire early.
This gets a bit more specific. It also explains everything completely. I’ve never had anyone say they didn’t get it.
What do you think of these responses? Any suggestions for improving how I answer in any way?
Most people don’t want to feel uncomfortable so they will give you a response like the one you put above. My goal is to humanize personal finance – I’m bringing up finances in more of my conversations and trying to help people understand it isn’t taboo.
Millenials are open to chatting about a lot of different things – time will tell if we can finally have an honest discussion over money. Who cares if I make $50k and you make $100k? Who cares if I have $20k in debt and you have $75k in debt.
Thanks for sharing ESI – cheers.
Personally, I think your answers are fine for most people. Many people who ask won’t be interested in the details, or might even get defensive about your response (well, that might have worked for YOU, but here’s all the reasons it won’t work for me). Of course, if someone is interested in learning more you could go into details of some of the strategies you used, but my guess is that most people aren’t looking for a real, detailed answer that might make them uncomfortable about their choices.
Most people who ask that question seem to be after a conversation starter / gap filler, not a real answer. I’ve come across many a PF blogger who says they answer the “What do you do?” question with “investment manager” or something similar, just to continue the conversation (and put the same amount of effort into the response that was put into the question). Not sure yet what I’ll say, but “retired” sounds reasonable!
“I work from home.” 馃檪
I have a hard time explaining my job to people being a full time employee – I usually just land at “I work at a tech company” and that sounds boring enough that they don’t want to know more.
What do you do – Always one of the first 3 questions when you meet someone new or run into an old acquaintance.
Another option: Get some ESI Money business cards and see if you can get them to join you in a few years
My husband sold his business and retired. While he is older than you we have a 10 year old son (a gift!) so he gets the same question a lot. We also have rental properties so I suggested that he say ‘I am in commercial property management’ which is true. That opens up the conversation whereas ‘I’m retired’ kind of shuts it down (in my observations). We are also around parents who are close to 20 years younger so we seem to fit in better with a job title. Just my thoughts.
Those are good answers. I’ve heard other PF bloggers suggest responses such as “I’m a publisher” which answers the question truthfully and concisely while avoiding the whole convo about money. That wouldn’t work in all situations, but with some strangers it might suffice.
Not sure how I’d answer it, but I’d definitely want to avoid the whole convo about how I managed to retire early. And not unlike yourself, I also don’t look my age which means I’ll likely have many of these convos!
You all are giving me some great alternatives! Keep them coming!!
I retired at 48 from teaching 26 years. I tell people “a golden handshake” was offered so I took it. Of course I’ll continue to find satisfying work until I am eligible for Social Security.
I don’t think it’s that unusual for someone your age to be out and about during the work day. There are many men/people that work from home with flexible schedules, stay-at-home dads, people that work hours other than 9 to 5, or schedules other than M-F, as well as men that are not the primary bread earner.
I tell people that I don’t work because my husband needs a sense of purpose and there are other people that needs jobs a lot more than I do.
I do love your comment about saving pennies and nickels and turning them into dimes, quarters, and dollars. That is a great explanation.
Man I cant wait to be in the situation where that question is asked to me. Not sure how I would respond though. I guess it would depend on the person/situation concerning how much detail I would go in. I like your answer though. Short and to the point.
Like others I’d avoid the R word and focus more on keeping the conversation going with what I am doing. So investment manager or publisher as someone mentioned are great. I might also consider consultant or money advisor. Strictly speaking your dolling out advice on personal finance on the web, so you do have a “job”.
Hi ESI,
You have great responses. I work weekends and have similar interactions. I love how many places aren’t crowded at all, it makes for a more peaceful pace!
If I’m not feeling particularly forthcoming I will give people the “I’m a writer” line. It’s true and allows you an immediate follow up to bring the conversation back to whoever you are talking to (which people love).
I’d say “independently wealthy.” I like the ring of it – and it is true in your case!
Ha! That might just cause them to melt down right there!!!
ESI! Fantastic responses. Four years, and I still don’t have one that is fool-proof. Amazing how many busybodies will take the ‘I’m retired’ answer as an invitation for more questions. Or a ‘guessing game’ in the form of statements (not questions).
“You must have a government pension.” “Family money.” “Lawsuit award.” Etc.
Your reaction is perfect, enjoying their facial expressions go through the ‘5 States’ of why you are retired, and not them.:-) Thanks for sharing this part of your retirement experience, it is fantastic!
I’m all for short and sweet answers. You could then follow it up with a “would you like to know more” or something if you think there is a genuine interest.
Have you tried – “I Earned, Saved, and Invested”? 馃檪
I like that!!!! 馃槈
How about a “Professional Blogger” and “Fitness expert”?
I think you can change the answer depending on the person and your mood. That’s what freedom is all about.
I’m looking forward to that day.
-Mike
Well – You can go with professional blogger, retired from the 9-5. Depending on the situation.
I think it’s great that you speak about it… people don’t talk enough about money, savings, retirement, and even about our hopes (and fears) around all of those things. The more leaders like those here talk about it, the more it gets talked about.
And, you mentioned your Church and around town… what better way to impact your local community than by talking openly? it’s not like you’re hanging on a beach somewhere!
David
Not yet. But there is a beach in my future — for at least part of the year. 馃槈
Esi, It’s been 4 years for me & I answer the question very candidly. I say something similar to this, “throughout my working years I was frugal, I lived below my means & I invested wisely so that when I reached my FINANCIAL AGE OF RETIREMENT I chose to do exactly that. ”
I usually take the David Bressler approach to sharing the information of how I got here. Because of my passion to help and to give hope & advice to anyone who’ll listen on the subject of Financial Freedom, my excitement normally comes through.
At which time, the questions either immediately cease (DEFENSE MODE – I DO NOT WANT WHATEVER SHE’S SELLING) or the people who are genuinely interested ask me if I’m willing to provide tips to help them to get there. Of course, in being honest you need to expect & prepare for both reactions.
Liz@ChiefMomOfficer is spot in her response that if someone is interested in learning more, you could go into details of some of the strategies you used, but most people aren鈥檛 looking for real answers that might make them uncomfortable about their own decisions & choices.
Although I am a retired Baby Boomer who also looks younger than my biological age, I was BLESSED to become financially independent before age 50 & while I was still working a 9 to 5.
My wife and I retired at 56 and I think we look much younger than that, At least she does. When people ask how we retired early, I say
We set a goal to retire early about 15 years earlier, mapped out what we would need to save to reach that goal and stuck to it. It was hard sometimes when friends would show off their new fancy car or big house, but the reward was well worth it. Not that we drove clunkers or lived in a tiny apartment over the fish market, we just lived simpler more rewarding lives.