Today we continue sharing from the book Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending.
We’ve already covered principle 1 of this book. In case you missed it, you can catch up by reading Be Happier by Buying Experiences Over Things.
In this post I’ll highlight principle 2 as well as give you my thoughts on it.
Let’s get started…
Principle 2: Make It a Treat
Here’s how the book describes principle 2:
Make It a Treat. Many residents of London have never visited Big Ben. What stops them? When something wonderful is always available, people are less inclined to appreciate it. Limiting our access to the things we like best may help to “re-virginize” us, renewing our capacity for pleasure.
Rather than advocating wholesale self-denial (say, giving up coffee completely), we’ll demonstrate the value of turning our favorite things back into treats (making that afternoon latte a special indulgence rather than a daily necessity). We’ll show how to apply this principle to purchases major and mundane. Along the way, we’ll describe new research showing that driving a luxury car provides no more happiness than an economy model, and that commercials can enhance the pleasure of television.
Lots to comment on here (like coffee and local activities), but we’ll cover most of these below so I’ll talk about them then.
For now, let’s move on to a few additional thoughts:
This is the sad reality of the human experience: in general, the more we’re exposed to something, the more its impact diminishes.
Is this why “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Just wondering…it sounds like the same principle.
Here’s some data to back up what they suggest:
In a study of working adults in Belgium, wealthier individuals reported a lower proclivity to savor life’s little pleasures. They were less likely to say that they would pause to appreciate a beautiful waterfall on a hike, or stay present in the moment during a romantic weekend getaway. This phenomenon helps explain why the relationship between income and happiness is weaker than many people expect. At the same time that money increases our happiness by giving us access to all kinds of wonderful things, knowing we have access to wonderful things undermines our happiness by reducing our tendency to appreciate life’s small joys.
I think they are reading my mail here. lol.
It’s interesting how income and happiness aren’t more strongly related. I know it’s not a surprise as we can all name (many?) people who have high incomes and are miserable, but society seems to assume more money equals more happiness. Of course there’s the counter claim: Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Hahahaha.
And yes, once you’ve been exposed to the “finer things in life” it’s hard to appreciate the less fine things, even though they may be great. Some examples:
- I have been to a ton of sporting events and watched them from luxury boxes. So going to a game these days is simply “ok” if I’m not in a nice suite. I know, I know, cry me a river. I’m just telling you how it is.
- This is why I also want to take “nice” vacations or not take one at all. An example of this is that if we go on a cruise, I have to have a balcony. We enjoy it and spend too much time on one not to have it. So if all the balcony cabins are booked, I’m not going on that cruise.
- Tickets to the theater are the same. I need good seats or else it’s not worth going. Why spend the time, money, and hassle to sit somewhere that’s “ok”? No thanks.
- I haven’t gotten to this point yet, but I know many who won’t fly unless they get first class seats. Being cramped back in the cattle section is less fun once you’ve tasted “the good life.” Haha. Of course my wife’s point of view is that “we all get to the same destination no matter where we sit.” Easy for her to say — those back seats fit a 5 foot 4 inch lady better than a 6 foot 4 inch man. 馃檪
Yes, these are examples of being spoiled. But I don’t overdo it and this is where I like to spend my ISE money. And they serve as good examples of the ideas being suggested here.
The Little Things Matter
In addition, this section reminds me that much of my life was spent missing the “little things” simply because I took them for granted.
These days I try to appreciate these sorts of things while I have them.
One small example of this is my cat, Zeus, who I absolutely love to death. He’s kind of a combination cat with a dog personality as he likes to be with people way more than any other cat I’ve ever had. He sits in my office with me as I work (as I type this he is two feet away looking out the window while we both listen to music), lays on my lap almost every time I watch TV, and comes in 2-3 times a day, stares at me and meows loudly, and demands either love (I pick him up and carry him around the house for five minutes petting him while he purrs) or play (he likes to play aggressively — biting and wrestling — for 5-10 minutes every day). He’s just a complete blast.
But I know odds are high that I will outlive him. One day we will have our last day together. So now I really try to appreciate that I have him and we spend time together.
Take that same sentiment and multiply it by a gazillion for my wife and kids. With them I try even harder to just be more in the moment, relax, and be present. I can tell you, that was a challenge for much of my life and one big reason was work — it was ALWAYS on my mind. Now that I’m retired I can be much more relaxed and appreciate what I have.
The book continues:
While there is no convincing evidence that reducing consumption provides a panacea for increasing happiness, a growing body of research suggests that altering consumption patterns can provide a route to getting more happiness for less money,
Knowing that something won’t last forever can make us appreciate it more.
Recognizing that an end is near holds a key to happiness, helping us turn readily available comforts back into treats.
This idea also helps to explain an enduring puzzle of forgone pleasure: Why don’t people get around to visiting famous landmarks in their own hometown?
When people get around to visiting their hometown landmarks, they report enjoying the experience. The trouble is that when a pleasurable activity is always available, we may never get around to doing it, thereby missing out on a relatively inexpensive source of happiness.
A few thoughts on this:
- “While there is no convincing evidence that reducing consumption provides a panacea for increasing happiness.” Perhaps there isn’t any evidence (yet) of this, but in many ways I am happier when I don’t buy as much. After all, everything you purchase has to have some sort of attention lavished on it — to use it, maintain it, protect it, or, if nothing else, to dust it. As the old kids show used to say, “the more you have the more you have to have to take care of the things you have (just think of the people who rent storage units to house junk they never use)!” And eventually stuff begins to weight you down, which I would argue decreases happiness.
- “Knowing that something won’t last forever can make us appreciate it more.” Family. Friends. Pets (noted above). One thing I especially treasure has been the retirement lifestyle. It’s been an amazing six years! One day it will come to an end (yes, I’ll die, of course, but I don’t mean that). Life will change somehow, most likely because I won’t be able to do what I do these days. So I try to appreciate it now as I know these great days won’t last forever. One day even ESI Money will come to an end. Wahhhhh!
- As far as seeing places in the city where you live: this is us. Everywhere we have lived it seems we see about 25% of what’s available. I tell you what, after 2.5 months last winter, I think I know almost as much about Florida (especially central Florida) as I do Colorado. Ugh. We need to develop our “what to see in Colorado” list and start checking off the boxes as we don’t know how long we’ll live here. It could be a decade but it could also be a few years. It’s time to make time to see more of the state.
The McRib
Next they share how companies use this principle to market to us:
Limiting your access to everything from the McRib to Maseratis helps to reset your cheerometer. That is, knowing you can’t have access to something all the time may help you appreciate it more when you do.
Oh, the McRib!
It used to be such an event for me in my younger days when it came back on the menu. I remember rushing to McDonald’s to enjoy them again and again.
Then, just as quickly as they arrived, they disappeared and my life was thrown back into darkness. Hahaha.
Seriously though, I did love those things. However once I learned how to make my own ribs, there wasn’t any comparison. Plus I found out the McRib is made out of recycled rubber or something similar. Hahaha.
That said, Pumpkin Spice Latte, anyone? 馃槈
Finally, the book ends this principle with the following:
The more people travel, the less likely they are to savor each trip.
Infrequent travelers like Tim said that they would savor the trips by expressing their excitement, talking to friends and family, getting their work done ahead of time, and looking at photos afterward Individuals who had traveled extensively exhibited a blas茅 attitude toward the commonplace destinations (though they mustered some enthusiasm for the dream destinations).
Let me end this principle with a few thoughts:
- We are not at the point where we travel so much that we don’t appreciate the trip. It’s simply a 2-3 times per year thing for us, so it’s hard to get tired of it.
- That said, I don’t like the travel itself, I’m way over that. Being somewhere — I love that. But the airplane or car ride is torture for me. So any trip we take these days we make sure that the terrible travel part is way more than offset by the fun. Our time in The Villages is a great example of this — three days driving there and three days back — with a cat. So you know there’s a whole lot of fun packed into the time we’re actually there if it can outweigh those rough six days. LOL.
- Or, as an alternative, we travel in style. For example, if a flight is over 3 hours, I’m booking first class tickets as long as the prices are egregious. It’s part of my effort to try and spend a bit more to make life better.
- As we talked about in the first post in this series, trips do give you the chance to be excited about them for a long period of time. It starts when you first think of the trip, then builds after you book it but before you go, then there’s the trip itself, and the afterglow of remembering it for years to come. The book Die with Zero talked about this a lot — that trips have a residual happiness factor because you remember them. They call it the “memory dividend.”
- One thing I need to appreciate more is my home. I have a GREAT life and do enjoy just being at home and having my routine. Since it is a routine and not “special”, I probably don’t appreciate it as much as I should, so I need to do better at that because I really do like it. Being gone for 2.5 months this winter has helped me appreciate it (there’s nothing like being out of your element for a long time to make you thankful for the simple pleasures of home).
- Even something as simple as getting coffee can be a treat. For some reason, people like to give me Starbucks gift cards. The cards seem to come from all different sources despite the fact that my trips to Starbucks are rather rare. This is why I usually have over $100 on my Starbucks app balance. But since my trips there are so rare (because my Keurig coffee at home is just as good or better), when I do stop by, it’s “special.” For example, I stopped by Target today on my regular long Saturday walk (my one day of rest from working out) to look for an item and got a coffee from Starbucks there. And I must admit, it did seem special. 馃槈
Anyway, that’s it for principle two. Do you have anything in your life that’s special because you make it a treat? I’d love to hear what those are in the comments below.
To read the next post in this series, see Be Happier by Buying Time.
David L. says
Great post!
Speaking of neat things in your back yard, if you all have not been to Bishop’s Castle, go check it out. It is a fun place to visit for a couple of hours and is probably only an hour from Colorado Springs.
https://www.bishopcastle.org/
ESI says
Yep, we went there a few years ago!!! 馃槈
K D says
In theory eating out is on the list of special events because we don’t do it that often but truly we are often disappointed.
I am completely with you on flying first class or bust. We are traveling less than we use to, especially since all our parents have passed away, so when we do fly we now fly first class. It makes such a difference. I was literally the first passenger off the plane a few months ago. We too splurge for family vacations.
I know what they say about cars but I ended up with a top of the line Honda last year and it is wonderful for road trips. The seats are comfortable, the technology and safety features are appreciated.
Steveark says
Sounds like another way of talking about delayed gratification or keeping the hedonic treadmill on a very low speed. I’ve yet to fly first class on my nickle or even business class. I say I will next time but haven’t yet. We love the driving part of travel and always find ways to mindlessly detour all over the way as we meander toward where we are going. I for one, prefer better cars over plain vanilla less featured vehicles. Maybe because we drive so much and fly so rarely. It’s two hours to an airport so it makes more sense to drive unless the drive is very long. But I’m going to try first or business class on my next overseas flight. So I say, anyway.
Scott H says
A few years ago, my wife started driving a Lexus SUV. Eventually, I’d like to buy a Tesla SUV. One other luxury since moving to Arizona: we are building a pool for about $87,000.
Jeannemarie Ackerman says
Going to Target is a treat! I go only once a month, but spend a little time prepping with coupons, cartwheel, rebate apps and the weekly flyer. This is enjoyable as well.
I am actually a behavior analyst and wanted to back up what you say about 鈥渁bsence makes the heart grow fonder鈥漹s always available access .We use the terms deprivation vs satiation ( not as terrible as they sound.) There is a ton of research regarding these and human motivation.
Great post!